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Twenty Two Truths About Me...

Updated: Mar 16, 2021

1. I have an equal measure of love and hate for water. As a kid I missed most , if not close to all, school-sponsored swim lessons due to our moving school districts during each swim season. In middle school I got trapped under a rubber raft in Thomas Creek and felt at the time that I came close to drowning due to my level of fear. I love being in water I feel I can control, but if I have to hold someone up, if someone pushes me in, or if someone gets on my back while in the water- I feel a rising terror that I might drown- and take them down with me. I also find the most calming, tranquil images for me are of boats floating on the surface of clear, smooth water and of powerful storms that involve rain, a churning sea, or thrashing ocean waves.

2. I am an active dreamer. I do not know what it feels like to sleep with no images going through my mind or stories being played out that I am part of or feel that I am watching as if seeing myself on the theater screen. Being an active dreamer feels like being both highly gifted and highly cursed all at the same time. I have found that only ones who truly understand this are those who are also active dreamers.

3. I once woke up while under anesthesia when I had my hysterectomy. The doctor and attending nurse were talking about me, and I could hear them clearly. Then I felt a slicing pain across my lower abdomen and sat right up from the intensity of it. I heard them say, 'she shouldn't be able to hear or feel anything right now', talking about me like I wasn't there. All I could think looking at them hysterically was, 'But I do!'. BTW, I had my hysterectomy at the young age of 31 due to what they called a 'diseased uterus' or a diagnosed case of Adenomyosis. Prior to this life-altering surgery they did not counsel me on post-surgery depression, they solely focused on my desire to get rid of the pain I had been living with- not on the pain I would live with for the rest of my life by losing the ability to have another child. And most importantly, when I went back in to share about the depressive episodes I was having, I was not offered medication, or a referral to a counselor, or a welfare check to my home for me and my kids when I shared about being in an abusive violent relationship.

4. I cannot jump any distance from the ground. If I am lucky, I can clear 6 inches- and that is embellishing the truth. One of my sisters was able to get video proof of this at the beach one day which was both funny and sad (ha!).

5. I am technology challenged- and not just in struggling to learn a new app or computer system. Technology literally makes no sense to me, and it doesn't even matter if I take a training class, a tutorial, watch endless YouTube videos- or plead to have a technology gene in my DNA even if it is currently hidden. I used to fight this truth, but was once prohibited from my son-in-law from backing up my phone without help after I screwed that up on my own, and what did I do- but screw it up the very next time when I tried to prove I could figure it out on my own. Hard lesson losing pictures you can't ever recover :/ .

6. I am a writer, an author, a story teller, a speaker, and I am a WordNerd (I love definitions, synonyms, antonyms). It is no so much learning long, deep, intricate new words as much as it is about going down the rabbit hole to really grasp a full and complete understanding of a word. Maybe an odd way to express this, but it is like falling in love with words. It just feels good to me! And someday when I get published, the first thing I am going to do is plant a Weeping Willow in my yard. Oh, and hire a housekeeper!

7. I have represented myself twice in both of my divorces instead of hiring an attorney. I do not feel so much that I won or lost- as I firmly believe that both parties lose in divorce, but I did gain great confidence in facing what felt like the enormity of a mountain I couldn't climb and the sheer terror of what it must feel like to be on death row. And I survived both without a $-thousands price tag attached.

8. I have installed Kitchen/Dining Room flooring. After spending more than 2 years sweeping and cleaning bare subfloor, I made a decision to buy laminate flooring tiles, watch several DIY tutorials and to embrace the project solo. And it turned out beautiful! This was during a visitation weekend- I used all of the negative emotions tied with that season in life and created beauty from the ashes.

9. I can only go on roller coasters that have small climbs and quick drops. I have tried to go on bigger coasters to chase the fear out- so to speak, but find the slow climbs and long drops make my heart lurch into my throat. Part of the fear behind this might be that I have ridden big coasters with two different men in my life (now x-husbands) and both found it hysterical to 'pretend' to push me off during the slow climb and sudden drop. Some people like- maybe even love, this sensation or adrenaline rush. Me- I hate it. I much prefer smaller coasters with loop-de-loos and fast corners.

10. I am shorter by 5 inches or more than all 5 of my siblings. Where they have to look for length, buy longs, and can reach top shelves just about anywhere, I have to buy short, petite, or ask for someone taller to help me reach something- or I have to keep a step stool or ladder near by. I blame this #10 truth on genetics and scoliosis.

11. I have not been able to watch intense thrillers, especially horror movies, since I was pregnant with my son and he just turned 31. I used to be able to watch just about any kind of movie splashed on the screen, even by myself, but ever since I was pregnant with him it suddenly made me feel like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest- and the feeling became so intense, that I just can't do it anymore.

12. My first impression isn't always a good one. I have been told, more times than I can count, that my first impression (impression-s to be more honest) come off as stuck up or b*tchy. That is not at all the person that I am. I can be shy, a bit quiet, and am an introvert and I think that comes across the wrong way to certain people- especially at first. Once you get to know me, you realize that aside from those things, I am witty, engaging, sarcastically fun, and a rather great person to know!

13. I have chronic illnesses that affect the quality of my life personally and professionally: migraines, back pain, hip bursitis, inflammation and joint pain. I also have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome which is an immunological condition which is easily triggered by my environment from specific foods and drinks (this list grows almost daily), temperature changes, scent and chemical exposure (perfumes, lotions, hair products, laundry products, household cleaners, air fresheners, essential oils, cooking spices, lavender, lilac, etc.), stress, exercise or exertion, hormonal changes, medications. Common symptoms of this condition are itchiness, burning mouth, light headedness, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, throat tightness, diarrhea, constipation, intestinal discomfort or cramping, brain fog, short term memory dysfunction, difficulty recalling words, headaches, migraines, anxiety, depression, mood swings, congestion, coughing, dry eyes, cold & heat intolerance, anaphylaxis or near anaphylaxis, and becoming immune to the effects of medications. And if that isn't enough to convince you to hang out with me... I am also hypersensitive (#hotmess).

14. Many years ago, me and a good friend of mine, created a tote ministry for girls and women in need. We collected totes and filled them with new and gently used items such as shampoo, conditioner, bath gels, toothpaste, toothbrushes, hygiene products, make up, perfumes, lotions, journals, pens, books, night gowns, etc. These items were donated to girls and women who were in need regardless of situation. We collected items for the Pregnancy Resource Center for young moms and babies. We also collected and donated used clothing to women leaving abusive relationships so they would have something to start over with since most leave with the shirt on their back, with no change of clothes for personal wear or to look for employment. This was one of the most fulfilling times of my life, giving back when so many had given to me when I was in need. I still have an ember lit in my soul to pick this worthy ministry back up again as it reaches girls and women in more ways than the physical items they receive <3.

15. Daffodils! Daffodils! Daffodils! They are my favorite flower on the planet. They happen to bloom around my birthday which is a double bonus. One day- my dream would be to have daffodils cover my entire property line :) .

16. If I had to choose the one moment in my life that has changed my life the most besides becoming a mother or a grand mother, it would be when I walked in the doors of Celebrate Recovery in Lake Forest, California. When I moved from Oregon to California to start life over I never even knew what waited for me there. Today, and for the rest of my days, I will always claim the truth that Celebrate Recovery saved my life! (my blog posts tell a much better story of my time spent in CR).

17. An undeserved gift in my life has been my two children, my son Anthony (he just turned 31) and my daughter Nicolle (she just turned 28). Together, we have been through just about every season life can offer. Through most of that I have been both the mother and the father, and I haven't always been so good at both, but never gave up trying. My kids have always been my greatest accomplishment and what I am most proud of. They are beautiful human beings <3 .

18. The biggest blessing in my life has been my grand children. As of writing this, I have four grand daughters aged 6 years old, 4 years old, 1 years old, and 3 weeks old. I call them my Sillies. They make me laugh, smile, get happy bubbles from the inside out. I once attended a 30 week counseling ministry training and the training minister claimed that God offers us one do-over in life to get it right, and that is when we get to be a grand parent. Oh, how I have reflected back on that truth time and again since my grand daughters were born! There are no words.

19. 19- this is my favorite number. It most likely is because at a very young age I decided that the day I was born on was the greatest number ever! And when I see a clock that reads 3:19 I always believe something magical is happening- if not to me, than to someone, somewhere!

20. Do I believe that we all have a soul mate? Yes. When I look back over my life time of failed relationships, I can easily see the one that I walked away from that would have been the 'keeper'. He was a really great guy in all ways, with respect, kindness, a huge heart, he was generous, loving, supportive, hard working, and he offered me a life with him. I was young, confused, unhealed, and very broken. And I hurt him by going back to a really bad dude. It was something I could never undo. I know I hurt him and that hurt me for a very long time, but I have forgiven myself since I didn't know better at the time. I do however believe that we do get second chances at love... and that mine is still coming!

21. If I could change one moment in time, one decision, one step- what would that be? Believe me, many come to mind. And I know that truth that you are who you are because of what you have been through. But if I could go back, if I could change one moment and made a different decision, that one moment would be to have left that night. My son was 2 years old, my belly was large and I was soon to deliver my baby girl, and I was being choked on the couch in the middle of the night by a man who thought it was hysterical to cruise his pick up truck into the driveway in neutral, climb through the bedroom window, sneak around the back of the couch, just to scare the sh*t out of me when I was watching television while he was out drinking- yet again. Why was I being choked? Because I couldn't find the humor in a harmless prank. Not only was I choked, I had my thigh gripped so hard, and slapped even harder, until I said out loud how much I loved him and was going to stay with him- or he would kill me. That is the one moment in time I would have changed.

22. Here we are... at # 22. Last one of the 22 things about me. If I could go back and sit with the younger me, what would I say to her? I would tell her that she is beautiful, loved, cherished, unique, worthy, wonderful, talented, kind, generous, loving, funny, adorable, strong, intelligent, capable, courageous, sensitive, resourceful, forgiving, faithful, honest. And that if anyone in her life ever tells her she is not those things, treats her like she is not those things, whispers or even implies that she is not those things, to tell them to just F*ck off and walk away!

Truth be told, when I started this, it was entirely more difficult than I imagined to come up with the first five things. But as I allowed my mind and my heart to really open up, things began to come to the surface more easily. I had somehow even managed to push the good things down a bit further than they deserve- and those are the things that make me smile. In doing this little Twenty Two Truths About Me reveal, I found it balanced the scales- so to speak, in my mindset. I challenge you to sit down and take some time with yourself and make a list of Twenty Two Truths About You. You might find yourself pleasantly surprised with the 22 things that come to your mind and heart.

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