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He's in all the details

This morning I woke up feeling worn the hell out--like I am dealing with the worst hangover of my life minus the alcohol. Trying to catch up physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually from a cross country move will do that to ya... especially when you are forced to stir in 2 cups chronic pain, 1/3 cup misbehaving mast cells, 1/2 cup exercise intolerance, 3 cups poor eating habits, 1 cup insomnia, and 2 Tbsp adrenal fatigue. Now don't get me wrong, I have experienced some pretty profound moments of complete bliss since landing here a little over 7 weeks ago--I have reveled in this new level of peace, and joy, and contentment. Being surrounded by new sights, smells, sounds, and textures will do that for you. Heck, I have even found a new freedom in being able to burp and fart like I couldn't do in Oregon (Yes- I did just admit that, in print even... Haha!). I feel my sense of humor blooming in a new color, my curiosity for adventure rising to the surface, and my once flattened hope being filled with bursts of fresh air. But in full disclosure, being so far away from people or places that have kept you grounded for so long is hard to adjust to. Some mornings, before I have fully opened my eyes, I expect to look out my window and see snow-capped mountains. But instead of the view I had become accustomed to the past 2+ years, I now see trees, townhouses, and sky. That does produce a bit of momentary imbalance to the mind and spirit. Change--no matter forced or voluntary--is just hard (no one excluded).


After savoring a nice strong cup of coffee and indulging in a semi-productive journaling session, I decided it was time to dive head first into my stack of bills, notes, unopened mail, and long-forgotten lists... one I had entitled 'What Do I Want' (no limitations) that I dated June 7, 2022. I shuffled quickly through the short stack of bills, notes, and unopened mail placing them in their intended piles. With those out of the way, I pulled out my 'What Do I Want' list... which, by the way, I write out every year or so just to keep myself on track and to remind me of how life has a way of listening in when we have the courage to speak our hopes and desires out loud [even if just in print]. There have been countless times in my life when I have reflected back on a forgotten list of those things that matter to my heart and spirit, and I have been either stunned speechless or brought to hot tears over just how those requests were answered. It's funny how when the answer does appear we usually are so distracted by our schedule, our busyness, our negative self-talk, or a myriad of pointless endeavors that we completely miss it. We just keep on keep'n on and don't even take the time to appreciate how what we desired came to be. Even though that may seem like a negative human trait, I believe it is all part of the process along the road toward appreciation & gratitude. We must shed those things in our lives that encase us closer than our own skin. That busyness, or over-full schedule, or negative self-talk, or those pointless endeavors... are nothing more than fillers that are meant to keep you sidetracked, distracted, or in a state of oblivion. I can say this because I do this--repeatedly, even when I know it is not good for me.


I feel that right about now is a good time to admit that doubts and second thoughts can permeate your life after a major move (even just a major life change). You can look back and compare the before to the now until it makes you go crazy in your mind. I found myself caught in that trap a bit this last week (even with it being the week of Thanksgiving-- you know, a time to be purposefully mindful of all of those things in your life that you are thankful for). I found myself ruminating on all of the negatives which only managed to deflate my hope and spirit of thankfulness. What was that one thought that woke me up and shook me like a rag doll from this spiral of rumination? It was stepping into my living room after a long day at work, plugging in my Christmas tree (which my granddaughters helped me decorate)... and I felt flat inside. I actually asked myself in the silence if I even like Christmas trees, let alone Christmas lights. When my eyes landed on my display of snowmen that I have taken years to collect, I even asked myself if I should just box them back up and not have to look at them (the horror!). If you know me, even just a little bit, you know I love Christmas, that I find childlike pleasure in basking in the Christmas light glow, and that I love-love-love (LOVE) snowmen... the cute ones. Mind you, I went from being thankful and full-on Christmas spirit one day... to box it all up and shove it in the closet the next. That damn fast. Those doubts and second thoughts somehow moved right in like they had been invited. Maybe that happens to you to even if it happens in different ways. I am thankful that I chose to change what wasn't working in my life. I am grateful for all of the doors of opportunity that have swung wide open for me. I am feeling blessed in so many ways that I did not expect or see coming. I know, even if I have to remind myself, that doubts and second thoughts are normal (for everyone). That major change can be hard even when it is good. But I still felt flat and resorted to rumination.


Back on June 7th when I created that list of 'What Do I Want' (no limitations) #20 just so happened to be 'To have my backyard overlook a stream, creek, river, or lake'. Now that may not mean much to you reading this, but to me I had added this as a 'just in case you're listening up there'. Do you know how I know for a fact that He's in all the details??? My backyard (aka: 4th floor balcony) overlooks a man-made body of water (aka: pond). I am the first... and will be the last to preach it from the rooftops that God never (ever) does anything half-assed. I have spent the past 6 weeks looking down from my balcony at the sod being tore up, that ugly what-the-hell-is-that-going-to-be hole being dug, and liner with gravel being laid out in such a way that it almost appeared like it was meant to hold a possible sewage overflow (just bein' honest). I never imagined or would have guessed that a pond was being put in. On June 7th as I sat on my sofa in Oregon and wrote that request down on my 'What Do I Want' list--God was at work in the details making that wish come true for me in Minnesota! And he does it in such a way that he can show off a bit. He took something ugly and turned it beautiful, the same way he takes what is ugly in me and turns it beautiful. And he performs it not by human sight or standards <3.


BTW... further proof that He's in all the details... is that:

#1- I 'live somewhere that makes me smile'

#2- I 'hear trains'

#3- I 'see the sun rise and fall E to W on my new home'

#10- I 'have a career that I excel at'

#12- I 'have a circle of friends- close, authentic friends'

#14- I 'take steps with certainty and courage'

#19- I 'see my sillies and not miss so many moments'

#23- I 'shoot for impossibilities without fear or insecurity'.

And even if I can't yet see it in my life today, I do believe that He's in the details working out the rest of that list--even if it ends up looking a little different than my human eyes can see! I encourage you to look around and find all the ways He's in all the details in your life today. You might even find yourself stunned speechless or brought to hot tears. :)






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