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Let go, Go crazy, Get nuts!

Updated: Mar 16, 2021

Today.is.just.hard. My head hurts (every day since February 10th). My joints are painful. My eyesight is wonky. I already know after typing just a few words that this will have to be written in small segments of time that I can tolerate. I want a BIG wedge of Marionberry Cobbler with a heaping scoop of creamy Vanilla Bean ice cream... (emotional response craving, ya think?! That will NOT be happening). And, if you can believe it, my mouth is so painful today that it even hurts to smile. And yes, I did consider going back to bed to start my day over. But sometimes, ya just know. The truth cannot be sugar-coated, avoided, ignored, or explained away. Today.is.just.hard. And that is okay! Not all days are supposed to be free from pain, cravings, stress, or feeling a little hopeless. Imagine- if all days were perpetual sunshine, blue skies, birds chirping, blooming money trees, love and laughter, there would be no sad country songs, no heart-felt dips on the movie screen, no turning of mourning into dancing, no beauty in rising from ashes. All day, every day, we would just greet the sunshiny blue sky with a smile, pick a handful of cash out of that tree, whistle along to the sweet birdie song, and soak in the love and laughter overflowing in the world around us. The only place, and I mean only time, in my life that that has been real were times when I was tripping on LSD. The world literally came alive in full color and beauty, my heart grew ten-fold, my emotions were so real they felt tangible, and nothing could touch that euphoria. Funny thing is, now that I think about it, I also had some pretty bad trips on LSD. I feared for my life and my sanity, terrified that this was my new 'normal' and that I would never come down. You might be able to relate to tripping on LSD (don't raise your hand... Ha!), or maybe you can see the same truth in relation to alcohol, pills, powder, relationships, sex, parenting, career, school, vacations... and the list is endless! All things, literally all things, go up and and can come down. Sometimes it feels like you're on a roller coaster that you have to wait to exit. But that is how it is supposed to be. Life isn't supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine.


I cannot help but have lyrics jump to my brain from an artist that may jump right to yours. It goes something like this, 'Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time. But I'm here to tell you... there's something else! The afterworld. A world of never-ending happiness. You can always see the sun- day or night'. (music and lyrics that aren't coming to my mind). 'Cause in this life things are much harder than the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own' (key guitar riff!). 'And if the elevator tries to break you down... Go Crazy! Punch a higher floor'. (more lyrics that don't come to my mind- no judgement please). 'Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down. Oh no, let's go! Let's go crazy, let's get nuts'. I am a firm believer that we all take what is needed for us at a given time whether it be from a song, a set of lyrics, a quote in a movie... and our take away may not even be the artists true intention or meaning. For me, these lyrics take me back in time. They deliver me to a moment when the music notes, the words, the artist... all of it converged at once and opened my eyes to the meaning it had for me. Keeping mental resilience in the midst of life's ups and downs, to acknowledge that there will be good days as well as bad days, that the devil won't take one day off (elevator bring us down) and that I always, always should aim higher and try harder (hence punch a higher floor). For you it may mean something else entirely, and that is okay, and expected (winking emoji). Life is all about our own personal experience. I don't know about you, but now that song is stuck in my head (hehe!).


To be honest, when I first opened my laptop, my intention was to focus on Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. God has such a sense of humor! He plunked Prince in my mind as well as Prince's song about life, how it's hard (for everyone), and that we have a choice when the elevator tries to bring us down. We can just let go, go crazy, and get nuts. Simple, right?! Not always- but for me, God is trying to show me that it is actually that simple. That no matter the pain, the circumstance, the situation, the hopelessness, the weight of defeat... that in it and through it, I can keep punching for a higher floor. And so can you! Isn't it a tragedy that we see gray skies through a window on a rainy day instead of grabbing our tennis shoes, leaving our phone behind, and just stepping out in that wonderfulness and letting the rain just soak us down to our skin. Maybe you think I took the 'get nuts' to a nutty level, but if you have never let the rain soak you down to your skin (on purpose), you friend... are truly missing out! There is nothing as freeing, liberating, or fun. If you have never tried it, I challenge you to. And see if you don't walk away with a different appreciation for the miracle of a rain walk. Just to show you how easy it is to let your emotions rule your mind, and to forget something as carefree as a rain walk, I was standing at the kitchen window yesterday with what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I looked out and saw rain coming down, the words that came out of my mouth were, 'I hate the rain!'. Instantly the words collided with truth and I said out loud, 'why did I just say that? I don't hate the rain, I love the rain. I love walking in the rain. I love hearing the rain on the roof. I love watching the rain come down. I love what the rain does for the yard and for the flowers. I even hated the absence of rain when I lived in California.' It will never cease to amaze me how negative thoughts can run rampant and steam roll right over those things that make you want to think, feel and behave in a positive way. It is indeed our human condition- and no one is exempt.


So, going back to my crappy hard day. I am in the midst of having to make a lot of hard decisions for my life. They are not easy, without consequence, or pleasant. My stress level is being impacted, as well as my mindset, my eating habits, my finances, and my pain levels. I really have no choice but to make a choice. I can continue forward letting the pain, the negativity, and the stress catapult me down in that elevator of life... or I can make a choice to punch a higher floor. Yes, my life is unmanageable, I am powerless over my compulsion to control the outcome, and I need my higher power to restore me to sanity. It may be a day-by-day decision to 'let go and let God' or as Prince so passionately put 'let go, go crazy, get nuts!'. It may be a moment-by-moment decision. But if I want my life to progress, if I want to find answers to those things that weigh me down, and if I want to live my best life- not just my 'whatever' life, I need to make a choice. Today, right now, I am making a choice to punch a higher floor! And so can you!

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Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.


1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable. “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18) [We admitted we were powerless over the past and as a result, our lives have become unmanageable].

2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13) [We came to believe that God could restore us to wholeness, and realized His power can always be trusted to bring healing and wholeness in our lives].


Definition of Sobriety [Recovery from physical, sexual or emotional abuse] (Credit: Celebrate Recovery).

'In order to change, we as survivors of physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse cannot use history as an excuse for continuing our destructive behaviors. Therefore, our definition of sobriety is to discover our talents, to build our self-esteem, and to repair any damage done. We will allow ourselves to feel our feelings, to accept them and learn to express them appropriately. We will not partake in addictive or self-destructive behaviors that so easily entangle us. We will not allow the pains of our past to keep us victims but grow from God's healing. We will not harbor anger, resentment, bitterness or unforgiveness for our abusers, nor have we used the actions of others as a justification for inappropriate actions, attitudes, or isolating ourselves from God or others. We will progress in our recovery to become survivors of abuse! In fact, we have survived and can offer the experience, strength and hope of recovery that we have received to other women! When we have begun those tasks, we will move forward from our past and get on with the business of life'.

...let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1b (TLB)

Sources:

Prince Lyrics from memory (or lack of memory); Patty 2020

Definition of Sobriety (Celebrate Recovery); [Recovery from physical, sexual or emotional abuse]

Copyright  1952, 1953, 1981 by Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing (now known as Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)

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